The last 3 Sundays have been very interesting. Today was quiet. I spent a lot of time thinking about success and succeeding. That was the theme of the day. The last two Sundays have brought some hard, but necessary lessons on compassion, anger, openness, and being loving.
My inclination was to resist at first. Then I remembered that I started asking for an increase in compassion and patience and understanding. It hit me (hard) that all of this (perceived) hardship was really just opportunity to exercise my compassion, patience, and understanding muscles. That caused a shift. There was an evolution in my perspective. I realized that I was resisting what I have been asking for. This is what was causing me strife. It wasn't the people, it wasn't the experiences. It was the resistance.
And because I resisted what I was asking for, it persisted. It intensified. The opportunities increased. But I was looking at them incorrectly. I didn't see them as opportunities. I saw them as obstacles and annoyances. And persist and intensify they did...some more. It wasn't until I remembered...it wasn't until I recognized what was happening as the delivery of what I'd been requesting that I was able to relax. And once I relaxed....once I remembered, my experience opened up.
This is what Sundays have been for me recently. And it's been a beautiful thing.
This person I'm creating....this LIFE and PERSON I'm creating with the decisions I have recently made and make and continue to make is on purpose. I'm shedding things that no longer belong to me or that never belonged to me. I picked them up and took them with me because someone said they were mine and I believed them.
This woman I'm creating....this LIFE and WOMAN I am creating with the choices I continue to make is on purpose. I owe it to myself and everybody else to be the best version of me. I fall short, I fall down, I fall backwards, I fall forward, but I will NEVER STOP creating her. I will put down things that do not belong to me. I will refrain from picking up things that do not belong to me. I will embrace ALL the things that belong to me and I will LOVE the things that belong to me.
I'm not perfect. I do not aspire to be perfect. And I have a vision in mind of the woman I am creating by doing and undoing. And I watch that vision manifest itself into my reality.
Note to self: you are not your past. you are your past combined with the choices you make and the power you use to create. This is what self-love and determination look like.
I'm Ellen Gee. When I'm honest, we learn things. When I'm not, we learn things too.
Capturing the Past