Tired of people
Tired of requests
Tired of hearing about Ebola
Tired of saying yes
Tired of being needed
Tired of yelling
Tired of arguing
Tired of people asking me for things because they don't make the right choices for their lives
Tired of showing up
Tired of television
Tired of being lied to
Tired of over zealousness
Tired of ignorance
Tired of racism
Tired of sexism
Tired of stupidity
Tired of the shit
Tired of cussing
Tired of giving a fuck
Tired of giving people what I want to have in return
Tired of being angry
Tired of bad advice
I don't want pity. Shit, I don't even want understanding or comfort right now. Because I don't need it. I like not needing shit from people. I want to get myself and my shit together so that I'm not tired. I will get myself and my shit together so that I'm no longer tired. THIS IS NOT MY LIFE
This month has been something else. First of all, I didn't take the time out to plan the month in advance like I normally do. That epic failure sent my month into a whirl spin. I know that sounds drastic, but if you know me, you know my calendar. I am not being all that I can be without my calendar.
So I've been attempting to navigate through the month thus far. It's only 13 days into October and I'm still confused about what's going on this month. I did take the time to write out my plans on a piece of paper. And since it's not in my google calendar, it technically does not exist *sad face*.
I've been managing. Mercury is in retrograde. One of my longtime friends passed away suddenly Saturday. I'm still both numb and shaken up behind that.
My life just seems really sporadic right now and I don't like it. I've been overly emotional, overly sensitive, angry, dehydrated, less motivated, and a host of other things that are not serving my purpose.
Right now, I'm just venting. Even with a plan in front of me, October continues to catch me off guard.
I like dresses. I don't know that I like them for the same reason other women do. I don't even know why other women like dresses. *insert smirk* I like dresses because they are practical and don't require a lot of work or assistance in helping me to look awesome.
So I'll be wearing more dresses more often regardless of the weather.
I notice that I use the word can't when I'm frustrated.
I notice that I use the word can't when I want to control things.
I notice that I use the word can't when I feel powerless.
I notice that I use the word can't when I don't remember to tap into my resources.
I notice that I use the word can't when trying seems harder than giving up.
I notice that I use the word can't when I just don't want to.
I notice that I use the word can't when I am unhappy.
I notice that I use the word can't when I am angry.
I notice that I use the word can't.
I NOTICE THAT I USE THE WORD CAN'T.
I'm Ellen Gee. When I'm honest, we learn things. When I'm not, we learn things too.
Capturing the Past