I wanted to share this on all of my social media sites. Some of these I knew already. A few of them helped me over a hurdle.
If you're like me and have self-esteem issues every now and again (or always), take some time to create your cushion here.
My coils are defiant with each individual curl trying hard to influence the other. Groups of single coils win and rally others to follow their lead. So I end up with an army of coils all marching differently to the beat of their own African drum. THIS is how my fro lives and breathes. This is its experience everyday unless I play General and force them to follow my instructions. That only lasts for a short while though. My coils are defiant.
Remember that you are the ONLY version of you that this planet gets. Even twins have a birth time distinction between them.
When I was a child, I used to compare myself to my peers. I never thought I was pretty. I never thought I was cute. I didn't like my clothes. The only thing I felt that was "normal" about me was my long hair. That feeling lasted well into my early teens.
I remember going on what I called a quest for knowledge in my late teens. I read and studied and learned things. If I wouldn't be beautiful, at least I would continue to be smart. I've always been outspoken. I've always been opinionated. But I've also always struggled with finding my place in this world.
It wasn't until the last 3-5 years that I figured out a lot of what I am supposed to be doing. When I find myself questioning whether or not I'm good enough today, I think about how close I am to my gifts. Am I nurturing them? Am I ignoring them? I wasn't put on this planet to be like everybody else. I was put here to be ME
I know a woman named Denise. I don't really know her personally but I know that she's a very generous person. I know that she's a very peaceful and peace loving person. Even Urban Dictionary agrees.
She gives and gives some more. She gives from her heart. She gives selflessly.
I remember when I used to be that way. I remember when it started changing. I remember how I got to where I am in this moment.
I used to be like Denise. I want to be like Denise again.
I finally cried today. I shed at least 6 tears. It was a defining moment in my recent experience. It was a breakthrough. I felt relieved. I cried out of anger and frustration and irritation. That's a start. It's been a long time coming.
I'm beginning to feel again. I missed someone yesterday. I cried earlier today. I'm very aware of these experiences. They feel new and familiar at the same time.
I wrote a blog. The new Weebly format got confusing for me. The blog did not save. I got frustrated then I chuckled.
I decided when I came home today that I would clean and clear my work desk. Even though I am not working on it, it still deserves to be clean and clear. #Accomplishment1
I decided to have a conversation with my 13 year old. It was a fruitful conversation. We both feel lighter. #Accomplishment2
I decided to spend some time doing things I enjoy. I watched a couple of YouTube videos and I updated my website. #Accomplishment3
I decided to check in with a friend. #Accomplishment4
I've accomplished more than this today. #Accomplishment5
I'm Ellen Gee. When I'm honest, we learn things. When I'm not, we learn things too.
Capturing the Past