Dealing with feelings (guilt, anger, sadness, shame, and fear) and trying to jump start the next chapter of my life has been challenging. I haven't relaxed in so long that my mind seems determined to coerce my body into relaxation mode by any means necessary. The desire to do things hasn't left me. The push to get up to do is chillin in the background.
I'm checking in with myself to make sure that I'm not depressed. I don't feel sad. I don't feel hopeless. There is no despair.
I'm checking in with myself to make sure that I'm not angry. I've been saying no. I haven't had any outbursts. I have not been raging.
I have been feeling some apprehension lately. On a scale of 1 to terrified, it's about a 3 on the fear scale. It's not unmanageable. A shift in perspective about rejection will help to quell it.
All in all, I'm in a good space mentally and emotionally. I suppose I'm just prepping myself for what's to come. That's what it feels like. In any event, I'm good right now. I hope you are as well.
I'm Ellen Gee. When I'm honest, we learn things. When I'm not, we learn things too.
Capturing the Past